Friday, August 14, 2009

From Losing it In Vegas Blog

I thought this was an awesome post by my friend and colleague Vicky, whose blog is
"Losing It In Vegas"
What Does Fat Do For You?

Something I have been thinking about lately. What does fat do for me? I honestly think when we get to the bottom of that question, the battle is half done. Let's be real. Most of us know how to lose weight, though we might falter with "miracle" diets and cures from time to time. Most of us have lost a lot of weight, only to put it right back on again (and usually a bit more). Let's take the physiology out of it. Let's deal with the psychological aspects.The first question you should answer is "Why am I fat?". Okay, go ahead, take the easy way out and say "Because I eat too much". We all eat too much, that's how we ended up where we are today. But why do we do that? Comfort is a big one. Stress. Celebrations. Trying to dull the pain. Boredom. Whatever reason you have is your reason, and is fine. here comes the tough part...Why is food our "band aid"? Therein lies the answer to the question. Look closely at the times in your life when you were either gaining or losing and what was the catalyst to start that process, and there you will find some answers. Now think about what fat does for you. We all know it isn't healthy, it isn't pretty and it isn't what our bodies are intended then why? Why fat? For me, fat is something I can hide behind. It is my protection. My security blanket, if you will. If a lover rejects me, it wasn't because there was something fundamentally wrong with the relationship (or worse yet, me), it was because I was fat. If I didn't get something I wanted, I could blame the fat. I am an incorrigible flirt, and when I am fat no one takes it seriously (which it usually isn't anyway). I can be funny and even if the joke doesn't work, people laugh because you are now the "funny fat girl". And yes, I get compared to Rosie O'Donnell and Rosanne quite a bit. Fat is also a fence. It separates me from others. Emotionally and physically. There were many times in my life where I thought that was a good thing. It's one more barrier for someone to overcome if they want to get close. One more "test" to prove if they are worthy. I always thought that if someone could like me when I was fat, they liked me for me and not for my physical presence.I have already discussed my hoarding. (A post that seems so long ago after all I have been through...) I think that fat is also an extension of that. Run out of cupboard space? Refrigerator space? That's okay, I have a great storage space. My stomach. And if that's full, let's put it around the hips. I have already dealt with the hoarding. I gave away 2 freezers and am now down to one small one, a mini fridge for sodas and water, and my regular refrigerator. It is almost empty really (especially the last 2 weeks, we are doing a lot of fast food with my ugly hectic schedule)....and it doesn't bother me in the least. My pantry isn't bare, but it's not stocked up either. I actually had to clean the back of the shelves. Probably the first time they had seen daylight in 3 years.Now I must deal with my blanket. Somewhere along the way, my security blanket started to smother me rather than comfort me. And that is the difference this time. While I know that being fit won't fundamentally change who I am, I look forward to the courage to face rejection and pain without wrapping my blanket around myself. I think that though the pain may be hard to take, the beauty that it will wrought will be worth every tear.So that's what fat does for me. What does it do for you?

This blog made me think about why we become fat instead of the fact that we overeat. For me I overeat mostly because I am down on my luck, I get depressed and upset that life isn't what I want it to be and then I overeat, overdrink, overgamble, oversleep, you name it.

1 comment:

wildfluffysheep said...

I am seriously glad I read this post.
It makes a lot of frickin sense. soooo much. I definitely feel like I could have written this post.

just wow. really.dont think i can say this enough. wow.