Its amazing how things tie in together. My life is spiraling right now, mostly downhill it feels like. At the same time, my weight keeps going up slightly and my compulsions for food keep going up. The more I feel bad the more I eat, drink, gamble, go to message parols, etc. etc.. I felt better after getting back from my trip to San Francisco. But it is feeling shortlived. As soon as I got back my car's ebrake broke. I overdrafted on my bank accounts. I went to a buffet with my roommate. I skipped the gym. I didn't gamble, which is good.
I feel worn out mentally and I feel like giving up on things. I sometimes just want to go back to eating whatever I want all the time. It really takes a lot to get myself to feel better about myself to want to improve my weight and health right now.
Weight up= Depression, Self Loaving
Weight even= feeling ok
Weight loss/Exercise= I am ready to take on life and make myself feel better
I know this is quit simplistic but right now its the way I feel. I guess what keeps me going is the belief and knowledge that if I take my herbalife products, exericse and eat moderately healthy, I will lose weight, because I know it works. I also know that I have a dream to travel more, create my own life, and be home for holidays, if I do my business more with herbalife. The business is something that keeps me thinking about others a little more and not as much about myself. But I still have to be a good role model. And I still need to feel some confidence to do it.
I want to cry and hide today.
My house possible getting foreclosed on
My 8 credit cards that call daily and want their $75,000
The $50,000 my father lent me two years ago for my house
The feeling that my best life was in 2002 when I was with my girlfriend for one year, haven't found a relationship like that since, and she doesn't want to be with me.
My dirty house and how I need to clean it
Missing my extended family in Utica, NY
Depression, Lack of Self Worth= increase weight
Sorry about the pitty post, but just feeling it right now.
Stay Glowing in the Summer Heat
1 day ago