Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Weight + Life

Its amazing how things tie in together. My life is spiraling right now, mostly downhill it feels like. At the same time, my weight keeps going up slightly and my compulsions for food keep going up. The more I feel bad the more I eat, drink, gamble, go to message parols, etc. etc.. I felt better after getting back from my trip to San Francisco. But it is feeling shortlived. As soon as I got back my car's ebrake broke. I overdrafted on my bank accounts. I went to a buffet with my roommate. I skipped the gym. I didn't gamble, which is good.
I feel worn out mentally and I feel like giving up on things. I sometimes just want to go back to eating whatever I want all the time. It really takes a lot to get myself to feel better about myself to want to improve my weight and health right now.
Weight up= Depression, Self Loaving
Weight even= feeling ok
Weight loss/Exercise= I am ready to take on life and make myself feel better

I know this is quit simplistic but right now its the way I feel. I guess what keeps me going is the belief and knowledge that if I take my herbalife products, exericse and eat moderately healthy, I will lose weight, because I know it works. I also know that I have a dream to travel more, create my own life, and be home for holidays, if I do my business more with herbalife. The business is something that keeps me thinking about others a little more and not as much about myself. But I still have to be a good role model. And I still need to feel some confidence to do it.

I want to cry and hide today.
Hide from:
My house possible getting foreclosed on
My 8 credit cards that call daily and want their $75,000
The $50,000 my father lent me two years ago for my house
The feeling that my best life was in 2002 when I was with my girlfriend for one year, haven't found a relationship like that since, and she doesn't want to be with me.
My dirty house and how I need to clean it
Missing my extended family in Utica, NY

Depression, Lack of Self Worth= increase weight

Sorry about the pitty post, but just feeling it right now.

13 comments:

Dieting*Dancer said...

=( Sorry your feeling down. After reading this, it seems to me that you clearly stated what you know makes you feel better and what you know makes you feel worse. So do what makes you feel good, larger than life, ready to take on the world. WHen you feel better, you look better, and positivity radiates off you. Which might allow you to then meet someone..like .. a girl! Good luck. I'm rooting for ya. =)

Gina said...

How you ever thought about moving out of vegas? If you have the personality where you like to gamble and spend money when you are down, perhaps sin city isn't the right location? I'm sorry to hear you are down, hopefully you can find a good balance in your life and start to turn things around. Keep smiling, and stay positive.

TJ said...

Sounds like you need to make some changes in your life. I agree with what Gina commented- Sin city isnt exactly a friendly place when your upset about things. Too many places to turn to to get you in trouble over there.
Maybe head back home...to be with your family??

Stay strong Emmett!

Missie said...

Sending you hugs! I'm the same way. When i'm depressed, i eat more. It's a deadly cycle!

Lori said...

Depression is a tough cycle. Maybe you need to think about a new environment. Back to Utica, maybe? If you want to be closer to them, there are certainly several casinos that you could apply at in NY. Or even Foxwoods would be much closer than Vegas.

antgirl said...

Depression is tough. That was the first obstacle I had to conquer on my reconstruction. It led to most of my weight gain.

Think about what you *can* do right now to start taking steps in the right direction. Doing that will eventually turn your spiral the other way.

One step at a time. Hugs.

Tammy said...

Hey babe,

I know all about the depression cycle, and I'm really sorry you're stuck in it right now. I'll be praying that the sun shines on you again soon. You know you can email me anytime. I'm here for you. :)

Emily said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling so horrible! Could you possibly sell your house or get a roommate? Have you thought about moving to a diferent city? You can start fresh. New friends, new job. Leave your worries behind.

I wish you the best of luck! I wish there was something I could do! And if there is let me know!!

Karen said...

It's good that you are realizing how your emotions effect your eating habits...sometimes it's easy for people to miss the connection between the two.

As for the money issues, maybe you could start a plan for how to take care of them, just like you do with your food.

I know it's not easy and it sounds so cliche when people say things like this but life is what you make of it...sometimes you just have to smile and keep your head up and stay positive and things will come together. Attitude is everything.

Good luck!

Cammy said...

So sorry you're struggling right now!

I remember reading one time that the first thing to do in a financial crisis is to 'stop the bleeding.' So maybe no more gambling or traveling until things are more stable? Also, I don't know if moving to the east coast is a solution, or perhaps working with a credit counseling agency to get the creditors off your back. Those have lasting financial implications, so it might be worth spending some time contemplating.

One thing you can do right now is to clean up your house. :) Gaining control in one area will most likely spill over into other areas. At least that's the way it's working for me. :)

Hope you feel better soon!

Easy Losing Weight said...

Thanks for all of the positive comments! It gets very complicated. I have gotten away from gambling before for a long time, or found ways to deal with it. It was a problem in Utica, NY as well. I used to play pool a lot and gamble on that instead. I have thought about moving back but I make twice as much here. I think if my business with herbalife ever takes off, I will move back there. I plan on working more on my website. www.weightloss222.com

Lisa said...

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I agree with Gine, have you thought about moving closer to your family? Maybe change jobs? Btw, I have a new site...
http://inweighovermyhead.blogspot.com/

Debby said...

Wow dude...sucks to be you. There, I helped with your pity party!

You don't feel well when you pork up...so eating what you want and getting fat isn't going to help your psyche at all! Your mind might not be into it, just make your body do it. You will never regret exercising, but you will regret not exercising. Go out, move it for a few minutes. Bet you'll want more. You seem to have a compulsive personality! Get hooked on the good stuff.

Stay away from the buffets!

You talked about going home for the holidays. Vegas doesn't sound like a healthy place for you to live. Ever think of going home to live?

When you start loving yourself, and feeling good about yourself, that's the image you'll project. It's easier to meet people when you think you're worth meeting people.

You are worth meeting people!!!